We have over 7,000 satellites orbiting the earth with lots more lobbed into space each year which means there are multiple redundancies and ‘space junk’ to deal with.
The Russians tried to deal with one such ‘bit’ a little while ago but just managed to make lots of littler bits which are still orbiting. Whoops. Perhaps high tech laser destruction is not destructive enough?
We need an incinerator to permanently destroy all unwanted ‘bits’. Fortunately we have one. It’s that big warm thing in the middle of our spot in the galaxy.
Therefore the issue is getting unwanted bits to seek their own doom. Fortunately it requires relatively very little energy to propel stuff once free of earth’s gravity.
All we need to do is provide some sort of impetus to a bunch of suicidal junk.
Solution ... We deploy rather large space platforms which catch junk and places same in a net to be hurtled by slingshot [thank you Archimedes for the idea] toward the sun whereupon its consumed. Doesn’t have to be huge, just enough to break free of earths gravity on a true trajectory to doom.
No expendables [old truck inner tubes], cheap, effective and could be turned into an Olympic sport. Nations competing to lob their bits onto a virtual target displayed on the sun. Wahoo!! Nations could earn brownie points.
Problem is that if we miss, the junk missile may slingshot around the sun and come back at us initiating Armageddon. Perhaps not a great idea. Worse, our junk hits the spider people world in the next galaxy and they retaliate with a web of steel encircling the earth as they pick us off for lunch.
Armageddon, arachnoid snacks – rethink.
How about catching the junk and dropping it back to earth in the middle of an unpopulated desert whereupon all bits are recycled into metal hairpieces, being the new helmet protecting us from Covid nano probes unleashed by the dreaded spider men.
After all, we all know arachnoid city is driven by Covid furnaces and that they planted Covid on earth to further their evil 8 legged plans. [add Boris Karloff laugh]
This could also be an Olympic sport where countries compete to lob their junk onto a virtual target. Sort of like archery, but not. Penalties would include loss of your super yacht for a week if you hit a city, per se. Say 1,000 dead for a week’s loss of ocean privileges. Sounds fair.
Strict rules would need to apply as some nations would deliberately drop their junk on a neighbouring country as a prelude to invasion – ‘Sorry about the carnage but we can help by taking over your government through a small invasion and annexing your impoverished lot to us. Simple!’
That penalty would be two weeks without your super yacht!
Now, we all know the earth is flat with satellites just tootling around in circles. The big penalty of four weeks without your super yacht would be to release pictures or text or words which dispute that flat earth reality. After all, the worlds despots have spent millions denying history such as Tiananmen Square massacre or Russia’s current invasion or Nth Koreas military expansion hiding a frog march to starvation. Their investment in brain washing through a cancel culture needs to be protected. To cement that reality we all know that the spider men live underneath the earth in secret bases delving out Covid to unsuspecting flat earthers. Don’t want to upset them do we?
A problem of Dickensian magnitude!
Personally the slingshot has visual appeal as would a ‘thripenny’ bunger strategically placed in an orifice used as a launch tool [think Slim Pickens in Dr Strangelove]. After all the same bunger used to demolish letter boxes in the 1950/60’s. Simple and immense fun [thank you Gelignite Jack for the memories]. As a matter of fact we could solve the bad people problem at the same time with each provided with their own Dr Strangelove experience!
Ah the joy of having too much time on your hands, waxing lyrical about stuff then burdening others with erratic and errant thoughts. So much fun.