I HAD ONE OF THOSE #1 Triumph Herald

 EIGHTEEN AND HORMONALLY STRICKEN

Eighteen, hormonal, virgin drivers license and, no money.

The last six years spent salivating, dreaming and pouring over every car magazine known to spotty youth, Ferraris, Porsches, Mercedes, MG’s and all things exotic.  Still no money.

Dad, that bloke who wouldn’t let me take the company car for a cobweb blowing spin on getting said license, did indeed save my teenage ego by offering to buy my first car.  One of my friends had a Humber Snipe and another had been given an almost new Holden Palais.  I suggested anything with a soft top of British origin would be acceptable.  Names like MG and Healy were subtly dropped in polite conversation whilst he who had the money was spruiking solid, dependable, staid, sedan, cheap bits and reliable.  It was an interesting dichotomous non-debate.

Then the moment of glory came.  Off we tootled down to a Mentone car yard.  Me in the passenger’s seat with elbow out the window trying to look cool and make up for the ignominy of actually being driven by my father when it was obvious to anyone, I was a driver!

Then, the moment. I was presented with an off-white British two door sport-ish Triumph Herald.  What happened to the Healy, the MG, the TVR,  I was beside myself with horror, joy, envy, gutted, excited and all feelings teenage.  But it was mine – let me repeat that – mine!

No more begging for the company car, no more being locked away with no wheels and no more shame.  I was eighteen plus one day.  I had suffered a whole day.

But, finally, in the mainstream of life with my very own car.  Being 18, a boy and suffering manifestly latent maturity I decided to remove the roof to create a convertible except it wasn’t really a convertible because there was no soft-top.  Therefore when it rained I had three choices – firstly use an umbrella [note to self - holding an umbrella over head whilst driving is a real bugger], secondly drive like crazy to get home to bolt the roof back on or hide out in a service station.  Several umbrellas later, accusations of loitering and traffic lights stopping the drive like crazy bit, all resulted in yet another soaking.  Not very alluring to the opposite gender me thought.

So to remedy the alluring conundrum, I needed a real convertible with an actual folding roof.

[1 of 27 vignettes trolled from a history of cars owned and driven]

I HAD ONE OF THOSE - #16 VW beetle

THE FLUFFY DUCK 

Quite a few years ago I was minding my own business in a Porsche 911 going way way too fast near the Queensland border.  Unfortunately, and unbeknown to me, I was being tracked by a police plane which resulted in me buying a push bike.  In order to keep within the law I [after license replacement] bought a 1958 VW beetle which would only do 103kmph down hill with a tailwind.  This was a ‘fun’ car and semi indestructible.  Named the 'fluffy duck' by a service station attendant primarily because he was yellow. Indeed, the kids could play havoc on the back vinyl bench whilst I concentrated on finding gears with the too floppy gearstick.  Sometimes, any gear would do!  The front window 1/4 vents also proved invaluable to move vast quantities of air from the front seats backwards over very smelly kids who unfortunately thought passing wind was a national sport.  Indeed, it even had a surfboard on the roof – permanently of course as actually using same was never a sane plan. Inside, there was always a pseudo sand pit growing from lots of sandy feet but fortunately, the area was self cleaning as rust had managed to provide drain holes / air vents through which sand cascaded and small items of excruciating kids importance disappeared forever.  Indeed, no point in macho drags at traffic lights as the car taught and demanded humility, acquiescence and mind numbing patience.  Eventually I sold it to the local policeman and bought a Ferrari but in hindsight, the beetle was far more fun! 

[1 of 27 vignettes trolled from a history of cars owned and driven]

AT 75 [BUGGER]

 

Denial is rife and even basic acceptance is ignored. 75?  No way bucko - I was only 25 yesterday or was that 50 years ago?

I am told to retire?  ‘Retire’ is a foreign state of mind which implies we are now unable and/or incapable of actually contributing to life but preferring to languish in self pity because we are now officially old.  What bullshit!  I retired-ish 20 years ago but that didn’t work as I was champing at the bit to do something constructive and meaningful, not just gawk around the planet at ‘stuff’.  Indeed after just 6 months of ‘stuff’ I was back on the saddle!

We have seen a lot of ‘stuff’ over the years and for this we are very grateful but, it’s no substitute for doing something which others appreciate and tell you so.  Smiles all round.

Some call this ‘work’ but I call it life affirming. 

FOMO AND THE STUPID CLASS

 

For an afternoons entertainment park yourself near a tram stop and watch people’s behaviour with mobile phones.  Step off the tram and not a second goes by until the mobile is whipped out and held in front of an expectant face at a constant viewing angle just in case there may be a life affirming message.  ‘Look at me look at me as i am so important I have to be on constant communication.  Then the real gymnastics start when walking is added to the mobile activity albeit all the while with phone at the ready  - FOMO is alive and well and is disarming and possibly dangerous.

IN THE FAST LANE

 

I want to congratulate all those drivers who stick to the so called ‘fast’ albeit congested inside lane on a two lane road.  Why? Because it leaves the left ‘slow outside’ passing lane uncongested just for me.  I suppose I should also thank all the parents teaching their offspring to always stick to that congested fast lane and the driving instructors who exacerbate this habit.  A good healthy dose of self entitlement drives [pun intended – sorry] their fierce determination to always be in the fast inside lane despite an empty faster lane right next to them. ‘Look at me, I’m in my fast lane asserting my rights.’  Please, let there be police who fine drivers by and through a mandatory advanced driver course for inappropriately sticking to the inside lane.

SUB CLASS

 

SUB CLASS

We are at risk of developing a new ‘sub’ class of people bent on self entitlement.  These people only see their world through their own eyes and are oblivious to the needs of those around them. 

Indeed, there are several ‘pointers’ which identify them as needing to be ‘the one’ or the ‘centre’.

Such as backing into car spaces expecting all traffic to stop to feed their desire to reverse in instead of driving forward into a car space without holding up traffic and reversing out when there is a gap in that traffic. And, they get easy access to their boot.  Simple.  This is particularly prevalent at South Melbourne market where the stupid class back in then realising they can’t load their shopping they have to drive forward into the traffic to open the boot.  Not very intelligent.  I have even seen morons backing into 60 degree parks - always at the expense of other road users.

How about these same people adorning their cars with tinted windows so dark they have difficulty seeing out.  I have been hit by such a goose backing straight into me.  You couldn’t see anyone in his car as the windows were nearly black.  This is close to insanity.

These same people also believe their bodily needs must be met by everyone else.  They believe they have a right to use the toilets in any restaurant despite not being a customer thereby proving a complete misunderstanding of ‘private’ property.  They refuse to accept the fact that any person in a restaurant is there as a result of an invitation by the restaurateur.   It’s not public access.  Perhaps they should advertise their own house as a public toilet.

Another, this sub class also has a speech impediment through and by the use of the word ‘like’ which they can annunciate as many as 5 times in one sentence.  Why?  Perhaps it’s a bit ‘like’ [properly used as a conjunction] saying ‘ummm’ or ‘errrr’ to retain the no gaps in their own personal need to maintain primacy through their speaking agenda. They believe their opinion is so important that everyone will want to hear what they have to say but to make sure ‘like’ is used in speech as an adverb and a meaningless filler and/or to signify the speaker's uncertainty about an expression just used.  In other words, of zero value but designed to keep attention on the speaker.  Like, who cares?

Then, the whole ‘look at me’ concept of share plates in a restaurant.  I watched one hero demand 8 share plates for 3 scallops which he diligently cut up and served to his lesser dining companions lauding their gratitude for a cold, minuscule and inappropriate morsel.  He believed he was ‘entitled’ to demand the restaurant at their cost provide extra everything so he could feed his ego.

Lastly, a further speech impediment proving the often loud self entitled are unable to use the language instead replacing adjectives with expletives.  Swearing is inappropriate and it identifies an idiot.  Swearing is not a part of normal speech except if self entitlement takes over from social norms.  Add people feeling the need to shout a conversation and see a person with a self entitled view of their own self.  ‘Look at me – I’m talking loudly so you mere mortals can bath in my magnificent oratory.’

Like yish!!

THE FUTURE ADF

 

Maybe I am living on a different planet or a hidden universe but I read proper journalists [The Australian] discuss our navy and general preparedness to protect ourselves and to offer support for ‘friends’ in conflict [ditto army and air force] and am gobsmacked by the way people in charge of the ADF – including politicians - talk in decades for any discernible action and billions of dollars in ‘blow out costs’ even before the event and ‘with a straight face’. 

DEAR AUSTRALIAN,

‘Ah yes, with forward estimates we will have another dinghy by 2050 but this time with a sharp throwing anchor to be propelled by a large albeit low ranked fluid gender navy person which will result in the enemy fleeing for their lives leaving behind their larger dinghy which we will purloin and fit out with another sharp anchor. This will continue until we have a fleet of 11 dinghies and be fully protected against ICBM’s, deep space laser warfare and the omnipresent mouth dribbling hordes waiting to live the good life off the sheep’s back after we are removed to dinghy land where we can live full and wholesome lives albeit sans food or water that will be mercifully quite short as 25 million people to an acre may prove a bit of overcrowding.  But, the army are also going to receive sharp throwing sticks to repel those same hordes by 2060 albeit with expected cost blowouts only one soldier in 10 will receive such an advanced weapon whilst the others will practice shouting profanities which will distract the enemy, making them all over emotional and leave our shores to cry in their home cave in abject misery and despair.  But the most advanced weaponry will be funded to the air force.  By 2070 each and every airman will have their very own cardboard drone [just one] with optional drop bomb albeit forward estimate blowouts may mean we have to cancel the bomb part.  In this case the drones will zoom in on the enemy and scare them to death or force them to run for their lives past the fleet of 11 sharp anchored dinghies which will decimate their retreat with precision anchor throwing.’ 

A POLITICIAN

Not so funny!

It seems we are going about this locked into a self defeating cycle with priorities about face. 

Priority ‘1’ must be to protect our homeland from any aggression.  This through defense weapons capable of shooting down any inbound missile or plane before reaching Australia.    This is a no-brainer!  It’s not aggressive just defensive but it must be strong enough to deter others aggression.  Banks of missiles spread all over Australia -  made here under license if necessary perhaps in a couple of empty car manufacturing plants we happen to have.  How about a threepeny bunger on the front of a scram jet?  If some of those scram defense weapons happened to have a range of say 10,000 km and tootle along at mach 24 it just might deter the bad guys.

Priority ‘2’ must be to make us capable of supporting our ‘friends’ in the event of conflict as we have always done.  Sharp anchors and throwing sticks just don’t cut it especially when the need is now, not in 20 years time.  I probably can’t see the complexities but it seems to me we can do two things in the immediate short term.  Firstly invite all our friends into Australia’s north for permanent placement and practice war games – BYO dinghy and sharp anchors or perhaps an aircraft carrier or two and a few nuclear armed submarines with signs hand written on the hull ‘gone fishin’ off Darwin protecting the indo-pacific from the aforementioned dribbling hordes.  Then we have a window to lease/ buy/build our own fleet of not dinghies.  Keep in mind that if Victoria had not had a failed premier [Andrews] we could have offered some $20+ million dollars a day to this cause and that is just the interest on his / our capacious debt. At say a billion dollars each our debt in Victoria alone in just interest would build a new warship every few weeks.  Sort of brings things into perspective doesn’t it.

Think NOW not long term and take responsibility rather than pontificate at length about ‘look at me as I’m doing something’ when you know you will never have to be accountable.

WANGARA ROAD GOLF DRIVING RANGE - ANDREWS LEGACY FOLLY

Due to the pollution complexities of the site and its industrial location adjacent to the heritage cemetery [where my mother was buried nearly 50 years ago] it was designated as a golf driving range and mini-golf centre.  The investment by the lessee in a licensed restaurant, club hire / sales, thousands of golf balls, required range machinery and mini golf was significant.  It was the perfect use for the land and was very busy.  Indeed, I attempted to hit many many golf balls over the years at this range.

Unfortunately, just prior to a state election, Andrews [ex state premier] decided to garner brownie points by loudly promising a new netball centre ‘for the kiddies’ on this land with a big ‘look at me’ sign thereby forcing the closure of the successful driving range and the associated multi faceted business.  But sadly, now post election, Andrews’s rhetoric was proven to be just that and the Wangara site was never developed as promised.  Years later it’s still empty.  Indeed, it was all a ruse because he really just wanted to firstly get elected and secondly spend circa $19m of taxpayer’s money ‘butchering’ the heritage Sandringham golf links to be able to add a driving range for benefit of members at Royal Melbourne Golf Club which is literally just over the street.  In this way Royal Melbourne could have a u-beut driving range on crown land for zip.  Andrews folly is confirmed by the facts that the ‘old’ driving range just up the street remains vacant with no netball courts, the heritage Sandringham golf links was indeed butchered to allow for the u-beut driving range as it required the removal of par 5 holes [now not a true golf course] and, due the new layout, suffers long walks between some holes and all whilst demolishing the heritage clubhouse replacing it with an architectural and inefficient monstrosity for the PGA.  

Knowingly throwing away the Sandringham links heritage identity.

In terms of the land in question on Wangara Road, it's on an old quarry next to a heritage cemetery, suffers some degree of land pollution restricting park usage, has basically zero parking and is in an industrial area.  Not much going for it other than a golf driving range as all the infrastructure is there including the mini golf etc. Go figure!

How about a new 9 hole ‘par 3’ golf course [as was in Albert Park on the lake years ago] sporting kid friendly ’big hole’ putting [as they do in Barwon Heads] with lots of bunkers and new sloping lumpy bits whilst keeping the existing licensed restaurant, clubhouse, gear sales and mini golf.  Add lighting for night time play, trees, significant sculptures and water holes.  Wahoo!  Everyone wins!!  Then add ‘big swing’ golf for lessons and just plain fun. [We played St Andrews on big swing before actually doing so in Scotland a few weeks ago].

Or just let it rot because there are no current elections.

A PLACE TO BE

 

The vast majority of Australians voted ‘no’ on the voice proposal thankfully cementing  the concept of ‘we are one’ and ‘equality for everyone’ because of their own non divisive and anti-racist beliefs.  Thank whatever deity you like because that proposal was indeed racist and divisive and should never have been touted beyond a thought bubble by rational clear thinking adults.  Another 70 million dollars wasted by those that should have known better which is similar to Andrews in Victoria fawning amnesia over spending some $30 million dollars which subsequently killed 800 people. At least ‘our’ mob are not dead albeit I suspect emotionally wounded through fake and unyielding spin, driven  by politically motivated people who should never have been allowed  try and influence others through and by vague and somewhat spurious ideologies.

Those that voted ‘yes’ either believed our prime minister’s childish rhetoric ‘trust me it’s all about the vibe’ or could see no other solution for indigenous management.  But now, the majority of Australians have thankfully rejected the prime minister and his ‘vibe’ as nonsense and he must now face the music and create change because his voice scapegoat has been squashed.  This is not a political comment or any attempt to shoot the messenger but is a critique of failures and their real cost.

Keep in mind there are currently hundreds of people drawing salaries who are supposed to be looking after indigenous affairs including 11 elected parliamentarians.  These people were and still are the mob’s voice.  A great pity that they have shown to be incompetent [think ATSIC]. This is a management issue for which all governments have kicked the virtual can citing ‘we need another report’ and/or using obfuscating emotive rhetoric to hide incompetence.   So, instead of fixing that poor management, which costs some $30 billion dollars a year, they opt for ‘the vibe’.  This is an international disgrace and one reason some people should never be in charge of the piggy bank.  Indeed, it could be said that the whole ‘voice’ debacle was a political move by government to shift blame?

So, we still have a mob of people who feel disadvantaged,  ‘support’ programs for that mob costing $30 billion dollars a year and a government which prefers ‘the vibe’ to clear strategic thinking leading to planned outcomes.  Worse, we have intergenerational hardship driven by a call to go back to ‘country’ where there is zero education, no opportunities and a culture hooked on ‘sit down money’.   So called support programs seem to have no consequences or analysis or indeed results.  Yet damned politicians just throw more money because it’s just too hard to actually think.  Good at getting elected but crap at the actual job.

When do the grownups shout ‘enough’?

When a collective, being it a company or a group of people, start down the ‘oh woe is me’ rabbit hole it’s akin to self fulfilling trauma because people lose sight of the strategic picture and focus on negative minutia as an escape. The more they lose that strategic focus the greater the perceived trauma.  Compare that to first nations reality. 

Nothing will ever change unless proper management is instilled into all indigenous programs, there is public recognition of first nations ensuing dignity, honour and respect and education leading to self actualisation is enshrined in modern day indigenous culture.  Just lying around waiting for the next intergenerational dole cheque just doesn’t cut it. Harsh but true.  Indeed, high incarceration rates for the indigenous are the result of errant behaviour and are not inflicted by others just on skin colour.  People end up in goal because they do the wrong thing.  Don’t break the law and live free – simple.  

Just tootling around the edges of intergenerational perceived trauma has proven to be useless yet the morons with deep pockets of ‘our’ money pontificate at length about how good they are and ‘working hard’ to fix known issues. What absolute rubbish.  As above, good at getting elected but crap at doing the job!

Next?  Unless people have pride [not false pride driven by anger] and hope for a sustainable future [not false hope driven by spurious rhetoric] there can be no future.  However, there is pride in controlling your own destiny through receiving and giving respect for who you are as a person.  There is no pride in remaining uneducated being reliant on the next ‘sit down money’ to be deposited into your dole account.  No wonder alcohol abuse is rampant because it’s an escape from reality even if for a short time.  Perhaps even law breaking and family / public violence could be explained as people are broke and bored shitless.

Education is critical as is recognition.  The tragedy of life is that older people become invisible because of perceived irrelevance by others and the same for our mob.  Being visible for loudly marching up some street once a year doesn’t cut it.  Being visible for say struggling to get educated and struggling to create a life would be supported by everyone because the human condition is and admires those who fight to succeed.  This is the world and real life!  The struggle we all have to win to achieve peace.  Remember, ‘we are one’.

It’s a pity that our politicians and the plethora of people looking after indigenous peoples don’t seem to recognise this simple fact preferring ‘look at me look at me’ political nothingness.

First, a statement enshrined into the Australian psyche describing indigenous peoples,  “The original settlers and custodians of our island nation have continually contributed as part of Australia’s evolving multi-cultural history inexorably leading to the rich tapestry of our truly ‘we are one democracy’ that our island nation has nurtured.  They continue to live our history back to first peoples as treasured Australians. We are our history and ‘one’.”  Recognition, respect, dignity and most importantly ‘place’!!!  A place to be.  Simple concept but so important for us all.  Time – immediate.  Now is the time to make this happen with I guess 100% support.

Second, a proper third party publically transparent management audit of all current indigenous programs letting blame sit where it may.  I will back it in that a few will spend time behind bars for corruption and a few politicians will just hide.  Then we have a starting point from which to progress.  Time – 3 months.

Third, set up ‘carrot led’ [not punitive] sustainable education programs for those who want to live life and change. Time – 6 months.  Instil the perfect axiom for life – ‘learning is fun’.

Fourth, bring on and enjoy ‘we are one’.  Inclusive and multi cultural and anti-racist . Wahoo.

Our beautiful country has bunches of bright committed people who can make this happen. 

Let’s do it!!

MEMORIES [Thoughts from a disordered brain]

 

The human condition dictates that we are merely a collective of our life’s memories piled on top of each other with each memory bearing the weight of time as individual flashes of joy.  Yet, in times of crisis we all explore our raison d’être, our legacy and our personal life’s imprint but, as a necessary balance, the human condition will also dictate that some of those ruminations be driven by regrets, sorrow and what if’s.  But thankfully, joy will always win because smiling is more fun and the important memories are the ones which make us and perhaps others around us smile.  What a joyous gift this life’s transition really is! 

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