Major update ...
Following the publication of the below I was attacked by Lady Liz of the Husqvarna Optima 190 appreciation society castigating me for daring to compare horrible electric cars with her beautiful sewing machine by saying her sewing machine ‘has served her faithfully for over 40 years without any problems whatsoever. She [the machine and Lady Liz] have sewn many, many miles of stitches, both straight and narrow and zig-zagged mile upon mile of edging.’ So, rather than tempt the wrath of said seamstress, my euphemistic attempts have morphed to ‘electric ride on mowers’ replacing the ‘nearer to your choice of deity’ Husqvarna.. Yich!
I am conflicted! Well actually, no I am not.
The Frenzied Lot [FL], with close to zero logic or understanding, want their version of reality and ‘misconstrued fun’ to infect the world. And, when do they want it? Now! [Of course].
The FL demand that I
capitulate to their idea of a car by ditching ‘Otto’, my beautiful 23 year old
classic V12 Mercedes CL600 in favour of a ‘boring as batshit’ sewing machine
on wheels electric ride on mower. An
‘electric vehicle’ as revered by all of like mind. Unfortunately many like minds do NOT pass
muster.
In order ...
1. Fun. Yes, fun. Every day I tootle down to the garage in anticipation of turning the key and listening to Otto’, being my 23 year old Mercedes V12,roar into a life changing growl. Wow. Just in sheer anticipation alone it’s worth the price of entry. And, we are still in the garage!
2. Fun ‘2’. Let’s face it, in today’s world with speed limits, pot holes and multiple ‘big brothers’ it’s unrealistic to scarper along at 250km per hour. But, who cares! All I need to know is that ‘Otto’ can achieve greatness if he so desired. So, on the open road at 110kmph with the engine barely turning over on cruise control sipping circa 8l per 100 km [35mpg], wallowing in premium leather everything, massage and heated seats on, a mind bending stereo pumping out opera [sorry], the fridge keeping liquid of choice cool and lots of buttons and toys to play with and all at a whisper until, when the urge takes me to pass something. Noise, speed, bent face and dare I say more fun than you can shake a stick at. It’s enough to have to pull over and take a deep breath of restorative restitution. So much for passing but then I can now do it all again. And, 10 minutes at a petrol station and I can do it all again – again !! Wahoo.
3. Cost. Yes, there is a downside. Otto is a money pit with ageing very very
complicated electronics and in-your-face technology sometimes suffering with
and from his advanced years. For
example, the computer controlled zero body roll hydraulic suspension is fantastic
but repair costs are eye watering as are replacing 24 super expensive tiny
spark plugs or a power steering pump which decided to vent its own spleen or a
$5 seal on the oil cooler which happens to be in the middle of the engine
necessitating engine disassembly or tyres at circa $2k which don’t last long
enough. This is why old ‘super cars’ are
cheap-ish to buy but is it worth it? Absobloodylutely!!
But also remember, ‘EV sewing
machines ride on electric mowers’ are also not cheap to produce, run, repair,
recycle or indeed just get rid of!
4. Environment. This is the greatest con job of all time. According to a British University study on classic cars driving around 20,000km a year, I can drive Otto for 23+ years for the same environmental impact as a new VW Golf sewing machine. How about that! I won’t bore you with known science on lithium extraction and real costs of batteries in terms of buggering the planet or the huge costs of dealing with old lithium batteries but, let’s just say the collective moronic hype has overtaken common sense.
5. Back to fun. Life’s too short not to ‘fill every hour with sixty minutes worth of distance run’ [sorry Kipling] so even driving the 9km to work through city traffic is fun. A daily smile is mandatory – a ‘born again’ psyche enjoying life in spurts. As intimated above, ‘Wahoo’.
6. Future. Yeah yeah I know. Fossil fuels are a challenge but so is mining ‘fossil’ lithium and a zillion other ‘issues’ which will be ignored by the FL attempting to justify their position. The sensible solution for mankind is to develop a renewable cheap bio-fuel which will work in existing petrol-now engines reducing pollution to bugger all. Then we don’t waste a trillion cars with enormous environmental impact on that trashing. How hard can it be? Ethanol and hydrogen spring to mind but then I know zip. Perhaps a trillion dollar reward funded by ‘the world’ would jog a few brain cells.
7.
Warning. Don’t let ‘fun’ pass you by. Go out and buy an ‘Otto’ even if only for a
couple of years.
Humph,
Jon
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