ACLAND STREET DOWNGRADE

Since when does PTV dictate what happens on our streets?  Is it lawful for PTV to demand the inclusion of so called tram ‘super-stops’ especially where it is obviously not in the best interests of Melbourne’s history or tourist nature and serves little benefit?

For example, PTV has managed to ruin Bridge Road in Richmond, Fitzroy Street in St Kilda and Bourke Street in the city with the inclusion of the concrete behemoths commonly known as ‘superstops’ and now they want to add another lump of concrete in the middle of Acland Street St Kilda only 100m or so away from the from the existing super stop outside Luna Park.

The stupidity of this is amazing.

Acland Street is a go-to spot for any and all local, national and international tourists because it is somewhat quirky with frenetic bustling people fighting for room with cars and trams.  It is this chaotic mix in a grung-ish setting which makes it unique.  Parking’s free, if you can get one, and trams rattle through dodging tripped out tripped off or tripped up peds.  Add the odd Ferrari or bikie and the picture is complete.  All things for all people.  The cruisers, the diners, the rubberneckers, the locals and the transient homeless all cohabitating.

Fantastic.

Now some closed eye bureaucrat wants to plasticise the street into yet another boring as bat-shit foreign inspired mall.  The same as any other grassed in plastic have-a-nice-day space. Has Melbourne lost the plot [pun intended] in as much as we seem to want to destroy our icons in the name of stupidity.

Why not build a 'vintage' tram line between St Kilda and Port Melbourne instead and increase the tourist potential instead of destroying it?

Think what will put Melbourne on the map in 50 years and it will not be super stops!

The farce with a sad end that is Fitzroy Street St Kilda.

AN OPEN LETTER TO PORT PHILLIP CITY COUNCIL

Concerning Fitzroy Street ...

In my opinion the Councillors for the City of Port Phillip, PTV and Vic Roads should have to personally reimburse the 18 or 20 businesses which have turned up their toes and given up in Fitzroy Street.  If it had been that just one or two failed then one could possibly blame the operators but being there are so many who have gone broke it would seem that there is more to it than just an incompetent operator or two.  From top end to plebeian, they have all failed to meet their owners expectations lost money and had to just close.

Who’s to blame?  The overriding answer is simple – people are in public authority positions of power wherein they can make decisions about which they have little expertise, historic perspective or strategic view.  This describes the Port Phillip City Council, senior city management, PTV and Vic Roads.  As far as the council are concerned, a bunch of people elected on some criteria far removed from what should be essential skills. There are many examples proving this point such as at least 18 years of no action on the Port Melbourne foreshore despite having an acceptable urban design framework for the whole period.  Examples such as the stupidity surrounding the original design for the triangle site which thankfully, due to public force, was eventually withdrawn but still cost us millions of wasted dollars.  Another example is the cost of car-parking.  A 10 year old reading ‘statistics for dummies’ could analyse usage [read tourists], rates against time and costs and see that there is a correlation between high costs of parking and empty spaces.  Drop the costs and people will come and nett profit for the council would remain as is.  Simple but too hard for some people to digest.

A fourth example is Fitzroy Street and its destruction as a must-go-to destination for both Melbournian’s and tourists.  This is a direct result of a weak council failing to recognise what Fitzroy Street was all about and acquiescing to minority groups and statutory authorities by allowing these groups to create urban havoc all without a feel for the area, its history and its future.

When there are 18 vacant shops in one smallish street, with past tenants ranging from high end restaurants to boutique businesses - just closing down - there can be no escape from the fact that there are major issues with the street itself.  Traders across all levels walking away from millions of dollars says quite clearly that the street is the problem and not the traders.

Given the inescapable fact that the street is the issue then what’s happened?  Once again the answer is simple Fitzroy Street has become a throughway but in fact it should all be about recognising that not every street in every suburb needs to transformed into a super fast tram route with channelled traffic and dedicated bike lanes.  This is because some roads deserve to be slow and visual so the strolling rubberneckers can see, taste and enjoy.  Not every street needs a few more tons of concrete to create unneeded and unwanted super fast throughways for cars, trams and bikes.

St Kilda is ‘Melbourne quirk’ and that’s what people expect and want to see and be a part of whilst being kept safe away from the disaffected. 

Changes to Fitzroy Street have destroyed its character which in turn means that it has lost the ability to attract both tourists and normal Melbournians.  It does however attract the bottom end of society and the drug affected.  With the ‘ice’ epidemic it has now become seedy and dangerous.   Take the Gatwick Hotel for example – it is a dangerous place.

The solution is unfortunately not simple.

Firstly, and in the immediate short term, the disaffected have to be removed.  CCTV is but one of the critical tools to make that happen.  Councillor Touzeau said, whilst recently voting against the installation of CCTV,  ‘everyone has the responsibility to make the sort of world we want to live in’.  This is just plain stupid and far removed from the real world.  Especially so given the Council created the problem in the first place. 

Secondly, Fitzroy Street needs to be made a ‘slow’ destination street by creating a streetscape for both pedestrians and destination visitors through creative parking.  There is no need for a somewhat dangerous bike lane and there is no need for any tram super-stops other than at the beach end [already installed] and St Kilda station end [already installed].  The middle bit needs rethinking.

There is need to remove the dangerous and little used bike path and replace it with 60 degree free parking because car parking correlates to visitors.   Then add lots of mature trees breaking down the long visuals, large quirky sculptures and more non-food retail.  Then add public seating in the middle of the road under the canopy of shade trees where people can just sit and watch the slow trams and the streetscape; after mandatory facia regeneration. 

We need the development of a ‘tourist’ precinct where wandering becomes an art form instead of a dice with dropkicks.

I personally remember the days when we ventured to dinner at Tolarno’s [since closed as Mirkas - once again] wandered around after dinner and absorbed some of the quirkiness of the street before returning to our dormitory suburbs. Successive councils have destroyed this ambience.

This council has to make a decision.

Are they going to recreate Fitzroy Street by removing the disaffected, recognising that Fitzroy Street is not a speedway for trams, cars and bicycles and spend some of our money creating a streetscape which will attract tourists and locals alike seeking a quirky but safe immersion experience.

This is a no-brainer – YES.

And with a properly designed triangle site and Acland Street precinct we have a chance at creating a world class tourist area.  Let’s not wait another 20 years.

Say thirty million dollars over 3 years is absolutely nothing in terms of the financial return and the benefits to all Melbourne.

ANDREWS AND THE EAST WEST LINK - LATEST

In the AFR [Lucille Keen] on Saturday  the 23^rd of May 2015 said it was reported that just last month our Victorian Government paid $339,000,000 just to cancel the East West link with lost sunk costs amounting to $500,000,000.  Add on the thousands of hours of Government time foregone and the $1.5 billion lost from the Federal Government and the problem becomes gigantean remembering this is OUR money he is squandering.

Now infrastructure Australia has weighed into the ‘cancel it at any cost’ decision by Andrews stating that Victoria has lost the opportunity through not building East West to create a traffic plan for a key section of Victoria’s future. Instead Andrews is going to spend money on level crossings in marginal seats.  This is minutia thinking at its worst.  No future thinking, just repairs in marginal seats.

He has no project ready to start right now worth anything in terms of long term strategy and has foregone thousands of jobs and cost us billions through this decision and, he has cancelled the proposed airport link.

Victoria deserved better, MUCH BETTER.

The Honourable D. Andrews – Premier Victoria

It’s a sad fact that our political ‘leaders’ are merely human like the rest of us having all the frailties associated with remaining upright and breathing.  Ambition takes over from reality and commonsense repairs to some other universe.

We all know we can do better just given the opportunity yet somehow the hand stays down when it’s time to be counted.  So what right have we to criticise from the bleaches or worse, from behind some moral curtain from which we only peep to throw another barb but hastily retreat lest someone recognise us.

The simple answer is that we have a duty to support our majority and legally ‘elected’ leaders to do their jobs unless those decisions are so onerous and so far outside of their pre-elected political focus that damage will occur.  It is indeed a truism that if we second guess every decision our elected officials make there is no elected Government; there is only chaos, anarchy and subversion.

The election process works in a democracy unless our leaders create havoc, undermine our collective values, do something which puts us in disrepute or threatens our countries future.  If it doesn’t work then we must say something and be counted for that opinion.  Only in this way can we inform the non vocal majority of dysfunction and create change.

Such an issue has arisen in Victoria with our current Andrews led Government.

This short letter is not political in that it is not aimed at liberal or labour but rather at labyrinthine  decisions which are absolutely against our values and Australian way of life.

Mr Andrews was elected on a bunch of promises, one of which was ‘tearing up the contracts’ on the East West link.  He well knew he was sacrificing thousands of jobs, well knew Victoria was lawfully committed to completion of the project, well knew Commonwealth funding was dependant on completion of that project and well knew he was replacing lawful actions with rhetoric.  He was elected and now we must pay the piper.

There are two absolutely vile actions he has taken which must make every Victorian shudder.  Firstly he threatened to legislate to invalidate a lawful debt which would virtually destroy our system of Government and secondly he has fraudulently refused to return the commonwealth invested capital which was specifically earmarked for the East West project.

As he must have known all this before the election he has obviously treated us [voters] with disdain and must be so affected by political desire that reality took a second rung to common sense.  Like Bracks did over Seal Rocks, which cost us circa $80 million, this is heading for disaster.

The Federal Government has already said [paraphrased], ‘why would Andrew’s believe that the Commonwealth would pay for a contract which he has refused to honour?’ and ‘the Commonwealth wants its money back’ and ‘why would you [Andrews] sacrifice [circa] 7,000 immediate jobs?’ and ‘why would Andrews put any future investment potential by outside money at risk?’ and ‘why would Andrews sacrifice the State’s credit rating?’.

This decision by the Premier smacks of a vocal look-at-me five year old still on potty training throwing a tantrum at his own and everyone else’s expense.  Where is the maturity and where does this leave Victoria? 

This is not a comment on the East West link but a comment on the people associated with the decision process.  These people need to be removed as they are causing damage.

Managing Victoria is the same as running a big company [nee Jeff Kennett].  It must be done through people whilst developing and implementing a multi-future strategy.  Instant business and personal support combined with medium term business development and long term strategic plans we all can understand and support.

Our future is not about fixing level crossings nor fixing pay scales nor appealing to the lowest common denominator.  It IS about recognising and planning towards our future logically and strategically.

It seems all we get from Mr Andrews is a dearth of future whilst watching extravagant spending on what can only be called minutia. 

Fixing past mistakes does not a future make - simple and inescapable logic.

We need to have a premier and supporting Government who have an understanding of future and how to strategise to get there.  Throwing away a few billion dollars on fraud [taking Commonwealth money by deception] is descriptive of Mr Andrews.

Is there anyone who can replace this person who can see and plan towards our future?

Just a couple of thoughts for Mr Andrews’ replacement.

Firstly, our future has one ground rule – ‘DS’.  There is only ONE way out of the dig it up mentality and that is ‘DS’ or developing smarts.  Free education right through tertiary and beyond for everyone who has the smarts but followed by a year of service to think-tank-Australia when our numerous smart people can and will transform our country into a brainstorming cutting edge country away from the ‘let’s dig it up, sell it and have another beer’ mentality.  No HEX for a year’s think-tank – bring it on.

Secondly, I believe there is no other way to bring our indigenous people to that line in the sand other than education.  When our kids know what they are missing they will strive to achieve it.  Simple.

Thirdly, our future is not assured through just fixing past mistakes as this is regressive minutia thinking.  It is about business 101 – developing a strategy through communicated and succinct mission and vision statements leading through communicable strategies to real action plans.

Fourthly, dealing with climate change is also simple – subsidise renewable energy so its selling price is lower than non-renewables and people will make their own financial decision.  Market forces to create world changing shifts in literally months.  Support the good guys and watch the world change with no political crap.

We need professionalism, maturity and a clear businesslike approach.

This is written on no one’s behalf!

CAR INDUSTRY

When do we start taking the initiative and look outside political and media driven doom and gloom? 

When do we start to believe in our own Australian expertise and stop flailing about in discontinuous rage as another ‘foreign’ company withdraws ‘hurt’ when the going gets tough but after profiteering for years on uneven playing fields at the expense of our country?

When do politicians stop trying to assure the yet to be unemployed that they are trying to create new jobs through all sorts of ill-thought-through initiatives to make themselves look important and to be seen as doing something? 

Instead  …..  why don’t we bite the bullet and produce our own cars and other vehicles?

We will soon have 3 newly vacated plants which do and can produce cars.  Why don’t we produce our own world leading new-design taxis, government cars, town cars, military vehicles, scram jets, super tractors, planes, farm bikes, fun cars [Moke-a-like] or any other vehicle which is useful for us as a country and can be sold elsewhere?  And no, don’t call any the Kangaroo or the Wallaby or the bloody Dingo!!

I am really sick of the prevailing oh-woe-is-me attitude where we import expertise [because we are so backward, stupid and don’t have any talent] only to find the imports are wanting [EG. The Mexican triumvirate at Telstra or multiple managers at Coles Myer or several Australian icons currently in trouble with imported management].

We have sold our soul to foreign manufacturers who can’t manage a decent profit other than the ‘incentive fees’ we pay them [Ford worldwide a couple of years ago].  And, we accept foreign management just because they are foreign and must therefore be much better than us.

This is utter bullshit!

Abbot and Shorten – how about working together with an Australian collective spirit and foster/create/allow the creation of something special?

We are really that good!!

Yes?

How about starting by immediately enforcing Australian only isles at supermarkets?

An open letter to the Premier of Victoria about Port Melbourne

“Port Melbourne has no soul, why would you go there?” [Overheard from a not so potential tourist]

The Premier

Dear Premier Baillieu,

Please read the following and please don’t fob it off to some paper shuffler whose only objective is to avoid communication and actually doing something. As Leader, Minister for the Arts and an architect please make this happen.

Summary The less than 1km stretch of Beach Street and Waterfront Place between Bay Street and Princes pier including Station pier is a disgrace to Melbourne. Just imagine being an international visitor arriving by ship to Port Melbourne? Not a good look to say the least. Various levels of government have created the face of Port Melbourne and it unfortunately is less than welcoming to the point of shouting, ‘go away – we don’t want you’.

Australian bureaucracy .. Melbourne is one of the great cities in the world, is kid safe, has natural good looks, is extremely liveable and is in a country which led every other country out of the GFC. Yet, there is a dark side. Maybe we need to learn from Greece, Spain and Italy when it comes to scrutinising what all levels of Government actually do. Not what they say they do or are going to do but what they actually achieve for the good of the country and the people depending on those decisions. More importantly, we need to clearly understand just what they have failed to do and the ramifications of those inactions.
At what point do we object to the way elected governments fail to translate our needs into sustainable policy or indeed, even to be able to clearly recognise dysfunction? How bad does it need to be before we realise that our elected officials do not necessarily have the appropriate drive to deliver on the cognisant, positive and essential policies designed to enhance our country?
Unfortunately, it is a fact that there are many of our elected officials who crave public recognition at any cost but not by achieving recognition through positive deeds and actions but by seeking ‘instant recognition’ - more important than the outcome. The obvious example being, politicians wanting to be seen to be doing something by instigating punitive action rather than spending a bit more thought and creating a positive outcome. Punitive is easy.

Port Melbourne .. Our international seaway disembarkation at Port Melbourne is a disgrace to Melbourne, Victoria and Australia. This is the fault and responsibility of several areas of Government - The State Government, The City of Port Phillip, Melbourne Ports and possibly the Federal Government. Given the tourist and international importance of less than a kilometre of coastline encompassing the stretch from Bay Street through to Princes pier and including Station Pier, one would think there would be sustained effort to create something special. Not so. In the last 13 years to our knowledge nothing positive has been achieved. Indeed, the whole area has regressed to a point of dysfunction. As I said above, we need to see what has been achieved and what has gone backwards – not what has been promised or planned or ‘is in next year’s budget’ or ‘we will take it under advisement’ or ‘we are working hard’ or ‘it’s in train’ or ‘leave it to us’. May I say, nothing has been achieved and indeed the area has regressed to a point where insolvencies, bankruptcies and business closures are endemic.
This is a legacy of many current bureaucracies and past governments.
What a shame for Melbourne!

Solution .. The problems are obvious and the inability of multiple levels of Government to deal with these problems is also obvious. Therefore, to save our heritage and reputation, we need to immediately establish a body / consultancy / group without politicians albeit representing the 3 areas of government with enough legal drive to turn this situation around within weeks. That body could be as small as 3-5 people but with enough clout to demand from various government departments immediate action and address known systemic and endemic dysfunctions.

First fix – the obvious .. Immediate action is needed to support tourism and local businesses that depend on destination visitors. This is an easy first fix as all it takes is to reprogram parking meters to reflect reality.
Independent reports on parking commissioned by another council stated that parking fees are only applicable when demand exceeds supply and if that occurs, fees should be set at a figure promoting an 85% fill rate. In this way revenue is maximised, parking availability is maintained and parking supports local business. In the tourist precinct of Beach Street and Waterfront Place, it is mostly empty [less than 23%] being only busy when there are functions in the local restaurants and people have no choice but to park or when something like QE2 or Queen Mary steams into port. There is little demand and as parking is free everywhere else it discriminates against traders on this strip. Big words? No, not when you consider the ramifications i.e. up to 5 insolvencies in the area. The primary reason for the empty spaces is the cost of ticketed parking. We get many many complaints a week from our customers vowing to go somewhere else next time. This is a serious issue for our tourist precinct, the businesses and indeed a serious issue for Melbourne. This is because our sea gateway is seen as empty, dead, unapproachable and undesirable. No critical mass, no people and as people are gregarious by nature it remains empty. There are other reasons for this but parking costs are the first and most easily fixed. Simple, first hour free then $2 per hour from 2am to 7pm with no cap. The message this sends is simple and effective. ‘Port wants you to visit and enjoy what we have to offer and to show that, we have dropped our parking fees. ‘You should see us now’. There is no demand after 7pm as the ferry has gone; therefore there is no justification for fees at all but as the Mayor of Port Phillip believes parking fees dissuade Tasmanian ‘abusers’ and residents park their second and third cars on the streets, then make fees applicable from 2am. Everyone needs 85% occupancy from car parking for tourism, business and indeed promoting our gateway to Melbourne. Fee structure is one easily implementable action to help create a solution. Port Phillip council need to recognise a dysfunctional tourist area and make immediate and definitive change in terms of parking fees.

Second fix – anti-dead .. The second immediate fix is to force the Port Melbourne Business Association, into which all traders are required to donate, to action visual strategic promotion of the area. The ‘PMBA’ need to be forced to develop a professional business plan defining responsibilities reflecting our collective levies with immediate action [as distinct from its present documents and indeed, actions]. For example, why haven’t we got defined entrances with street banners and flags to Beach Street past Bay Street so that tourists feel special about entering the tourist area? Why are the banner points derelict and why are the flagpoles empty – for literally years? Port Melbourne is being whipped by Docklands and it shouldn’t happen. If you are in any doubt, PMBA recently advertised Docklands in a glossy magazine delivered to all of Port Melbourne within which we have a lift out. In effect we are advertising ourselves to ourselves whilst promoting the opposition. Fantastic! The above is the easiest part and can happen within two weeks. These actions will in themselves create an impetus for change and show to the Melbourne population that Port Melbourne wants visitors. Then, we get down to short term remedial actions. Port Melbourne cannot be seen as dying or dead. The closure of the former gym ‘block’ means that the area is empty, hostile and ghostlike. Dead or dying businesses also mean people avoid the area. An empty property has a certain spooky feel and is lifeless and foreboding. Up-lights under the palm trees on Beach Street outside the dead gym are indicative and are also dead and do nothing to alleviate the spooky feel. Not good for Melbourne.

Third fix – the ugly. The truck parking area remains a third world transition border crossing sans the barb wire. This is appalling unless you are a trucker with an avid love of truck spotting. Beach Street and Waterfront Place are turning into truck parking yards at peak tourist times with a marshalling yard designed to expedite truck movements rather than support a tourist precinct. We are aware that truck movements keep the ferry going and are critical to its survival and therefore are critical to maintain. However this does not mean that that goal is mutually exclusive to creating a tourist precinct. For example, the fence surrounding the area is dreadful. A dodgy wire fence with a misspelt sign is not the best look. Trucks do what trucks do within their marshalling area but it doesn’t have to be visible and destructive. There are many fixes for this but the easiest and quickest [think 2 weeks] is a proper fence and gates. The ideal would be a fence where pedestrian tourists say 200m away cannot see the tops of trucks within the yard. A fence designed to hide. [See heritage guidelines for second story additions to homes with an overlay] This not just a chunk of black hessian / plastic wrapped onto the existing fence, but a proper fence of some architectural merit with plantings around the top and base designed to hide everything. Maybe charcoal or dark green would be appropriate. For the entrance gates think wrought iron and Art Deco or go and see the fantastic new-ish gates on the St Kilda Botanical Gardens.

Fourth fix – Our future The area needs up-market retail to survive. The western side of the truck marshalling area needs to be developed for 8 or so small retail shops above truck height over the yard itself with a boardwalk and utilising existing grassed area. Any up market shop seen as leisure related would be great such as, souvenirs, designer garments, etc. Other fixes include - the wide footpath on the waterfront opposite Nott Street could become a market like St Kilda upper esplanade. Easy to implement through third parties. There are many water related sports which could be promoted for the beaches including kayaking, canoeing, diving, etc. Easily implemented through third parties. Why haven’t we got bollards [Geelong] and/or sculptures all along the area [Bondi] where artists can erect their masterpieces for sale and if not sold within say 6 months remove them and let someone else have a turn? Docklands are killing us in terms of street art yet we have the beaches and should lead the pack! Go figure!. Lastly, our international seaway. This is our huge opportunity to scream ‘Melbourne’. Station Pier is a disgrace to Melbourne and remains as a Gestapo style lock down. It has turned into a barricaded industrial homage for ferry access instead of promoting Melbourne as a city of life with ease of living and a welcoming persona. Imagine our trams going all the way to the end of the pier – imagine an arthouse theatre – imagine the MSO plugged. There are so many opportunities. Once again, for a ‘talented’ architect, the brief to create a world recognised landmark for Melbourne incorporating heritage features, the ferry and all the ancillary things would be sought after with some vigour and it doesn’t have to be the Taj Mahal. Princes Pier has not worked and is currently a homage to design by committee. Yet, it can be fixed. Changing our international arrival point and heritage piers is harder because it depends on several areas of Government working together. But it can happen and can happen quickly. All it needs is some forethought and a desire to actually make something happen along with power to make the changes. I can only imagine these changes happening through multi-level Government interventions because idiot power mongers will want to protect their area of so called responsibility and will not submit to mere co-operation preferring to hold onto power but in effect, do nothing. Therefore we need an independent body to take control of this tourist specific area and turn it around. Notionally, the less than 1km stretch between Bay Street and Princes Pier. May I stress an ‘independent’ body. Why, because multiple Governments have proven their incompetence on an ongoing basis. Especially the local council.

Mr Premier, this letter has been copied to the undermentioned, is published on my blog [nothappyjon.blogspot.com] and is with all the daily and local papers. It is up to them whether or not they consider Port Melbourne worth saving.
Yes, we do have a vested interest because we own Deco Bistro and Gallery at 49 Beach Street Port Melbourne and see the dysfunctions on a daily basis.
We want this tourist area to thrive and be a model for the rest of the world and it can happen quickly given commitment by all vested interests and an agreement to remove politicking.

Jon Langevad MBA

CC. Mr Mark Birrell Chairman
PoMC
Fx: 9683 1570
Included in this request because of his present role as Chair of PoMC and past experience as and especially Minister for Major Projects (responsible for Agenda 21 infrastructure projects like the Exhibition Centre, Museum, City Circle tram, the Regent Theatre, Docklands, Beacon Cove and the Sports and Aquatic Centre) as well as his interest in photography / visual arts. A man who should understand visual amenity and the failings of Port Melbourne.

Ms Rachel Powning Mayor City of Port Phillip
mayor@portphillip.vic.gov.au
Included in this request as Mayor of Port Phillip albeit because of elections this year, of limited tenure.

Reducing speed limits - will it work?

It seems that around 2 pedestrians a year die by being hit by a car in our city of umpteen million people. I would suggest we are at greater risk choking on our Weeties.
Of course reducing speed would cause fewer accidents, this is a no-brainer, but at what point do we enter padded cells so we can’t hurt ourselves or others. Just dropping speed limits cannot change behaviour by dropkick drivers or suicidal pedestrians but it does cause frustration and turns normal law abiding people into law breakers. Just ask anyone who uses the ring road with its variable speed limits.
But, there are times when reduced limits are vital, such as Acland Street in St Kilda which needs to be 30km/h because mobile phone infused people just wander aimlessly across the road playing chicken with cars.
We drive through the city every night about 11pm between Fitzroy and St Kilda. Every night we see multiple cars run red lights. Every night we see idiot pedestrians run the suicide gamut across the traffic ignoring the fact that a ton of metal tootling down the street will turn them into a strawberry blob. ‘She’ll be right mate, I’ve only had a couple of drinks, a few drugs and my lobotomy scars have almost healed.’
Just last night we came across two girls giggling their way across the traffic whilst bemused drivers tried to avoid stiletto damage.
Sometimes I think our gene pool is too conflicted.

W Class Trams

We should think of Melbourne as a ‘new’ city, one devoid of history and culture because most people don’t give a toss.
For God’s sake, we have new sexy trams with bumblebee logos which waft us from place to place. They may be a bit plastic and ‘hose down’ but then isn’t that the direction we want to pursue? After all, individual character inculcates minority thinking and surly that’s bad, isn’t it?
Stand up for your rights and tell those past-glory imbeciles we want our transport to be as devoid of character as possible. Plastic hose down surfaces are great and really deter us from having errant thoughts about comfort or history or character. No thinking around here then!
Those damn W class trams are a prime example. They speak of Melbourne’s history, have an almost sensuous sound and have real wood on the inside. All factors which create unrest in our society. We need to become plastic people with no individual or emotive thoughts lest the evil ‘let’s show some character empire’ takes over with anarchy and free love as directives.
But, isn’t wood renewable and plastic not? Isn’t character what makes humans, human? Isn’t sensuous sound one of the basic senses to which we all fall in supplication? Isn’t Melbourne’s history one of culture? Aren’t we a society which believes our history defines who we are? Don’t we enjoy quirky and out-there?
On second thoughts, stuff the new trams – make more W class trams and enjoy the past.

LLV AND PUBLIC TRANSPORT

One of the appalling excuses used by both Governments and bureaucracy led business is that ‘change takes time’. This excuse is absolute rubbish but is still used by people who are unable to make decisions. Nothing happens except talk.
But an even more dysfunctional change is driven by people more suited to detail work [the block people] rather than those capable of a broader vision [the jigsaw people]. The block people’s changes are riven through the community because they can’t see the consequences of actions outside of their own narrow perspective.
Hence we all suffer at the hands of these people because single lone voices of discontent mean squat when compared to a major organisation whose senior management can’t make decisions and whose block people can’t vision the results of their changes.
Unfortunately it seems that Liquor Licence Victoria has, through community pressure, panicked and set their ‘Block’ people to the task of creating change. This they have done but in the process have alienated every liquor licence holder as well as the public and, far worse, have created an internal quasi police force that wastes time and money and simply cannot engender the changes they seek to make.
How a caravan park, selling $5k worth of bottled booze a year [6 bottles a week], can be deemed to be a threat to the public and subject to an increase of licence fee from $100 approx to $6,000 is beyond anyone’s imagination. How increasing licence fees can make any difference to street crime at all is a nonsense. How a small suburban restaurant with a 10pm licence can be deemed a risk to the public and have the cost of their ‘on-premise’ licence double and a licence, designed to allow diners only to purchase wine to take home, increase by 400% is also a nonsense. There are many more examples of this gross stupidity.
How long must the people of Victoria put up with the expensive, dysfunctional attitude and policies of LLV. Remember we as Victorians, pay for their mistakes. For eight of the last ten years LLV have been a delight to deal with but over the past two, someone inside LLV has reverted its thinking to early 19c norms. For example, why do LLV send their own police out to venues to see if licensees have bits of paper stuck on a wall? Do LLV think this will reduce perceived violence on the street? I really hope not.
Perhaps some LLV block people have thought, “Got to be seen to be doing something, don’t want to think too much, don’t want any open communication and most of all I want my own power base with my own police and I want to be feared”. Farfetched? Maybe and maybe not.
This whole mess is another Labour Government screw up. Under Liberal, LLV ‘worked’ and most licensees did the right thing. This Government is taking Victoria backwards as has also been proven by its return to a 19c ‘Monday to Friday 9 to 5 thinking’ [instead of joining the real world of 24/7].
Labour seems to want to return to a ‘big-brother’ highly regulated environment where quasi-police inspectors run rampant across our public transport and now our entertainment environment. Instead of dealing with the problem, these people just address the result – after the horse has bolted.
I wonder what international visitors think when they see dark-clothed people burst into a fine dining restaurant during service, flash a badge [albeit whip it back into a pocket before any real identification can be made] and proceed to demand that the manager stop dealing with customers to prove to them they have a liquor licence and that four bits of paper are pinned to a wall. I can tell you what they think because it happened to us. People were horrified and disappointed that Victoria has gone so far downhill towards a ‘jackboot’ state.
The same can be said for public transport inspectors. Draconian and failing to remedy the problem. As an example, we sometimes catch a tram from St Kilda to Fitzroy. We have never seen more than 5% of customers purchase and/or validate a ticket. Once again, the inspectors are not fixing the problem and, in this case, they are not even addressing the dysfunctional result. The amount of money lost to Victoria is staggering - $270 for one trip on one tram that we know about.
Visitors think we are a police state yet these inspectors are not police but do have powers of detention. Is Labour determined to build their own Government led quasi-police force? It seems so.
It’s a bit like we are heading back to the strike prone public transport anarchy [a state of lawlessness and disorder usually resulting from a failure of government] of the 1960’s. No wonder Mr Kennett had to sell management rights of our public transport system – if for no other reason but to squash the anarchy that had developed through years of bad Government. Same reason we got those dreadful ticketing machines.
Now we are seeing the same thing develop with Liquor Licence Victoria. Our Government has failed to address rising levels of unease in the community because of a perception of uncontrolled violence. To be seen to be doing something they have created a jack-boot system where both LLV and public transport management seem to believe they are close to God and must be obeyed or the wrath of the inspectors will rain down. Give me a break.
Hasn’t anyone told the Government that it’s better to work with people so they want to do the right thing rather than penalise them for any errant behaviour? The first is harder but works whilst the second is used by people who don’t want to think too much but want to be seen to be doing something - and doesn’t work.
A perfect example of a major change handled well was when the Federal Government and the ATO brought in GST. There were teams of people out there talking to small business helping them with systems, support and general help and advice. These people had a great attitude, were a delight to work with and really squashed the old image of the ATO as a draconian organisation destined to ruin your life. They worked with us to do the right thing and it worked. Ring the ATO and see for yourself the massive change in attitude compared to even 10 years ago.
This brings us back to the LLV and public transport.
No one wants a return to a strike prone union dominated public transport system but removing the human element is very dysfunctional for Victorians and for visitors; both perceptually and for safety. Just as the human element worked for the ATO, it can work on public transport. Perhaps, bring in roving and singing conductors to sell tickets [remember the paper variety?] and convince people to do the right thing by education and shame rather than penalty. Perhaps a few singing drivers would also differentiate our trams from the rest of the world [?]. Secondly install videos in all carriages etal and prosecute violent people to the nth degree. But this requires the same sort of attitude change that the ATO achieved.
LLV need to scrap their current program because it’s rubbish and cannot achieve the changes required. They too, can take a lead from the ATO. Get rid of the jackboot inspectors and send out supportive people to help licensees do the right thing. Just inspecting bits of paper wastes everyone’s time and money and makes LLV a joke. Just see the current publicity to see how badly they have failed. Once again install cameras in known trouble areas and prosecute bad people to the nth degree. Booze is only a catalyst – bad people do bad things with or without a catalyst. Good people don’t do bad things even with a catalyst. LLV inspectors checking bits of paper on a wall will not and cannot change bad people. Simple logic.
Personally, I would send offenders to look after detainees at Christmas Island so they can learn respect from people who have done it tough and need support to survive.
The whole inspector ethos needs to be addressed and fixed. LLV need to get rid of their current system and actually think globally [jigsaw thinking] before creating even more angst and dysfunction. Public transport needs to be cost effective and safe and fun. Not haemorrhaging money, dodgy and frustrating. Bring back some of the human element and actually address the problem.
I don’t think this Government is capable of addressing these changes as they are proven to be heading inexorably in the wrong direction – as did the previous labour government.

Free public transport

Alleged conversation between John Brumby and Steve Bracks

JB: Hey SB, did you read The Age last Sunday?
SB: Nah, don’t read.
JB: Some idiot wants to make public transport free!!
SB: WHAT!! They can’t do that ….
JB: Hang on SB, stop frothing and take one of your little calm pills.
SB: Yeah, thanks JB, that’s better.
JB: If we did make it free we couldn’t continue to blame Kennet for the systems failings.
SB: Yeah, and our new car parking taxes would go phut.
JB: And the enormous revenue from parking inspectors would go down.
SB: Hang on JB, I’m feeling queasy again.
JB: Worse, SB, we’ve got a great bureaucracy to deal with cars, cars and more cars.
SB: Yeah, and we get such great publicity out of being martyrs to the system.
JB: I know, we’ll fix it – we’ll make sure all the single issue groups get major publicity.
SB: Yeah, the debate will go on for years and the FREE message will be lost lost lost!!
JB: You’re my hero SB.
SB: Pssst JT, you don’t think the voters realise that we don’t actually do anything.
JT: Nah.